Shopping is done around a table on our phones as opposed to walking in and out of shops or spending the afternoon at Macy’s. Now I know phone calls are obtrusive but texts require an immediate response. "Socializing is done differently in many ways.
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"The world is a much different place than it was in the 1970s, '80s and '90s, so having a guide on how to cope in the world around us is invaluable," he said. I asked Gil about this and he said there are numerous benefits to being friends with younger gays like me - for starters, we keep him on top of all the ways the world has changed when it comes to technology and social interaction. His guidance is reassuring, not dismissive: “If I got through it, it’s possible for you, too.” Gil has also planted other seeds of wisdom along the way, mostly because the experiences I sometimes struggle with are moments he's already survived. Why? Because I see firsthand with him that you can continue to be fierce and and fabulous no matter your birthday.
Alexander KacalaĪs a direct result of my relationship with Gil, I feel so much more comfortable with getting older than some of my peers who may not have a model like him in their lives. The two of us after seeing a show in New York City. He loved talking about what it was like back in the day without ever dipping too much into nostalgia. How he built himself a successful real estate business. He would tell me - in vivid detail and fabulous retelling - about growing up outside of New York and then moving into Manhattan when he was young. It was during these moonlit, quiet walks when I got to hear his stories. LGBTQ people need this more than our straight counterparts, mostly because our parents and grandparents are more than likely not going to be from the community we become a part of. LGBTQ newspaper the Washington Blade just published their own op-ed on this topic titled: “Why are gays so terrible at intergenerational friendships?” It's a shame because so much self-discovery can happen when you let someone from another generation into your life. ( Late Broadway composer Stephen Sondheim was married to a man 50 years younger than him when he died in November 2021.)īut seeing non-romantic relationships between gay people of different generations is rarer. It's common to see a gay man dating someone 20 years in the other direction. When people think of intergenerational relationships in the gay community, they often automatically assume these relationships are sexualized - and maybe that’s because usually they are. When I look at my own chosen family, the brightest star in that constellation is my friend Gil Neary, who at 64 years old is burning brighter and bolder than some people decades younger. Me? I'm 35. RuPaul once said this viral affirmation during an emotional episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” and it really does ring true.